Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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