Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize
