cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
