New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize