tell your sister to shave her snatch
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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