Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
