Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
