"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Screwed.edu
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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