And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
