So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
