i can't believe i had my finger in that
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
