I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
