Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
