She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I lost the right to judge tonight
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
