my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
