I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
