I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
