I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
