Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
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