Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
