After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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