Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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