Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize