he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
