How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
