Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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