also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
