this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
