then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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