He asked to "fluff my boner.."
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
