my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Less talking, more tequila
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
