im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
You're so nebulous sometimes
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
