How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
