my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
