I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
