sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
