Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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