this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
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