Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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