How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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