i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
