These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
