Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
