Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
