Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
