i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Holy sore nipples Batman
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
