Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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