I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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