Pregnant stripper...not hot.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
