i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
