you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize