You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
