also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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