my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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