You're my little dorito
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
