Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I am one with the molecules
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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