i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
