So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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