It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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