dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
That's how pantless uber rides happen
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
