I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize